"Look was a way to tell you that you’re my daughter,” (Piyathida Nakheefai).“Look,” is a Thai word that meant daughter or son. In Thailand parents would refer their children with this word and the same went with my Mom. As a young child, I knew that this word meant more than just daughter but, it had a stronger, deeper meaning. Whenever, my mom said the word “Look” I knew it was a way to show affection and to this day this word still follows me.




Out of all the other nicknames my family and I share the one that holds the most meaning to me is the word look. Although, this word is widely used in Thailand to show affection for their children, I still believe that this word is unique to my Mom and I. As an infant I remember clearly my Mom would always call me look with a genuine smile and it would always made me feel loved. That's because, during I was stilled called by look, it was always for something good and I think that’s why whenever I reminisce on it I always end up in a better mood. Furthermore, it is only something that my Mom and I share. That’s because, in my family I am the only one that she raised herself and alongside my Father except for my older sister because, she was mostly raised by nannies. So, in a way I felt more special about it because, this word was reserved for me. Not only that, this word has in a way molded me into the person I am today. That's because, each time my Mom would say it was always filled with love and never a trace of bitterness so that in a way gave the comfort I needed when I was younger. For example, when I was in elementary school I was always behind the other kids and that made me upset so, after school my Mom would ask, "How was your day?" By that one question, I recall that I cried a lot but, then my Mom would comfort me by that word along with promising me to help on my schoolwork, which had a part into shaping the student I am now.




Not only does the word hold meaning to me but, to my Mom. The word to her was a way to instill a piece of Thailand in me. Since, at the time we moved to Hawaii she wasn’t able to express her love in English so the word look sufficed for her and I. “Look, well you are my daughter so I called you that,” my mom said to me. It was also a word to tell me I was her daughter. To her by always calling me this name would assure that her that I would always be there as her daughter and, would always remind me that she's my Mom. Furthermore, this word gifted her with memories that she would always cherish. To illustrate, when I was an infant and she still called me by this nickname, I was always by her. To her, this was something different because, with my other sister she wasn't as attached to her as I was and during that time, my Mom said, "I was happy." On those rare occasions she calls me by look a smile would always make its way onto Mom.




This word was also a way to immerse myself in my Thai roots. Since, I was raised in America I didn’t know much Thai customs because, my family was merging with the American culture. So, I was labelled as falang which means foreigner in Thai because I was unaware of my Thai roots. However, as I grew up and learned more about my native culture through the word look it made me aware that I was Thai. Without the constant calling of "look," around me I believe I wouldn't be as involved in my culture as I am today. These days, I am always going to the temple and my Mom incorporates a bit more Thai in the conversations we speak nowadays. Also, now I'm not labelled as falang anymore which made me delighted because, whenever I was called that I would always get upset. Not only that, this word in a way was like bringing back the Thai culture into our family. Since, in other families the nicknames for their children would be whatever was meaningful in their family but, in my family it was a way to become familiar with my background whilst showing affection towards me.




Although, my Mom doesn’t use this nickname as often now it will always hold meaning to me. That’s because, this word has in a way nurtured me to the person I am today. I believe, if this word wasn’t around I wouldn’t be as such a nice person as I am today. Since, my Mom would always say this meaning with love, I’d like to think the love was absorbed into me and that’s why I’m not such a bitter person. Furthermore, this word has a lot of meaningful memories that always manages to bring a smile upon my face. For example, in the rare occasions my Mom does say the word I always reminisce on memories of younger me running into her arms for food. The word look, will always be a word of memories and in a way something that has shaped me into the person I am today.